Male, 36 to 45, 2012.

1. You look as old as that person you think looks old.

1A. The check-out girl you’re trying to flirt with thinks you look at least as old as that person you think looks old.

2. Time to get a career. For fuck’s sake.
And.
Stop borrowing money from your. Father. Mother. Brother. Sister. Friends.
And.

Stop listing your occupation as artist.

And.
Stop making quotation signs when you talk about “art”.
And.
Just stop making quotation signs. These kids don’t know what the hell they are.

3. Stop playing basketball with people who can jump.
And.
Stop trying to surf with actual surfers.
Or.
Stop thinking you won’t break.
Or.
Stop wishing you are your friend without a career.

4. Figure out a haircut.
Or.
Do not have long hair. Except in very rare exceptions.
And.
Are you Fabio? Do you remember Fabio? No? Google him. See?

Then.

You are not a rare exception.

5. Stop leaving your wife.

5A. Do not. Impregnate that woman.

5B. You are not in the best shape of your life.
Or.
Do not post nude pictures of yourself on the internet.
Or.
Email them to really friendly co-workers.
Or.
Unusually mature students for their age.
Or.
Anyone you know. Really.
And.
It’s probably best if you don’t have any kind of camera at all.

6.If you’re a drunk.
Or.
On drugs.
Then.
Whatever is coming for you is coming now.
And.
Don’t kid yourself. Plan accordingly.

6A. If you’re not a drunk.
Or.
On drugs.
Then.
Good luck with that.

7.Play out the edges of your personality.
And.
Seriously, go to the end of it.
And.
Be a strategist for a top corporation.
And/Or.
Be a musician on the streets.
And.
It’s the only hand you have.
And.
Not any of it means very much.

8. Stop buying crappy cheese.
And.
Beer. Wine.
Or.
Start to think of everything you eat as possibly the last thing you eat..

9. Stop numbing yourself to the turns.
And.
Hopping from existential crises like ice flows to a new land.
And.
Believe in something. Anything. Any system, the body, the soul. Sports.
Because.
This toe dipping gets you nowhere.
Or.
At least believe in nowhere.

10.But.

Most importantly.
As all good uncles will unanimously decree.

Fuck.

As much as you possibly can.